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My Precious Son
James Michael Phipps
This memorial website was created in the memory of our loved one, James Michael Phipps who was born in Virginia on October 19, 1982 and passed away on March 04, 2006 at the age of 23. We will remember him forever.
 I miss him with all my heart, and struggle daily with the grief of missing my wonderful, loving son.
Don't Think I Do Not Grieve
By Allison Chambers Coxsey
Don't think I do not feel;
because you see no tears.
A river rages deep inside
of grief, and loss, and fears.
Just because I do not cry now,
don't think my heart's not broken.
I keep inside the misery
of words not to be spoken.
Sometimes I smile, or crack a joke,
so you won't see the pain;
or notice how my hands will shake,
or how I've gone insane.
Each time I chance to think of him,
my heart is ripped asunder.
The loss I feel is mine alone.
you will not see my thunder.
I will always LOVE AND MISS YOU!!!!
Michael had so much going for him in his life, but didn't realize it because of the overwhelming pressures of financial responsibilities that he was facing at the time. His girlfriends were causing him alot of heartache, one for not letting him see his boys. The new girlfriend for fighting with his sister. Causing a huge fight between Michael and his sister. They were not only brother and sister, but best friends.
I don't know what happened on that awful day of March 4, 2006, to make Michael decide he no longer wanted to live, nor will I know anytime soon. I don't look to blame anyone any more, as the time will come when we all find out what Michael was feeling.
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Click here to see James Phipps's Family Tree |
 Tributes and Condolences |
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THERE ARE MEN TOO GENTLE TO LIVE AMONG WOLVES / Arline, Marla's Mom (POS)
Poem by James Kavanaugh
There are men too gentle to live among wolves
Who prey upon them with IBM eyes
And sell their hearts and guts for martinis at noon.
There are men too gentle for a...
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Second Memorial Date / Arline Stumpff Marla's Mom
Thinking of you on your beloved son James' memorial date and wishing you as peaceful a day as possible, and fond memories among the tears. |
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POS / Charlotte Drescher (POS)
I am deeply sorry for your loss
A soul remembered lives on forever
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It can't be true / Brion Webb (Cousin)
So a year has passed without my top dog, fishing buddy, golfing partner, cousin, or just best friend since the beginning. And to say its been hard would be an understatement. I am simply no longer myself without you, and our family has this gut wrenc...
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Remembering them / Lois Kern (Pos friend )
Just dropping by to say howdy!" James, we are all remembering you and all our children here, the lonliness in our hearts aching each day. I'm praying that you and the boys, are enjoying checking out all those wonderful fishing holes,...
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Peace / Caroline Morris (childhood friend ) Read >> |
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Missing our Children / Kathy Wainscott (POS) Read >> |
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Remembering Michael / Carl Felton (Family Friend ) Read >> |
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R.I.P. / Stephen Felton (Family Friend ) Read >> |
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To my Son's ANGEL FRIEND / Marvin Hardin (Friend) Read >> |
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To Michael & his Mom / Lois Kern (Friend on Pos ) Read >> |
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| His legacy |
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I am NOT
I am not who I once was. I have changed but the world has not changed along with me.
I still care, I don't call because I don't have the strength...I just
have enough left to deal with my own life. It is nothing personal and I
don't even have the strength to explain it to anyone.
When my only son died, his death took such a big part of me with him. I haven't learned to laugh again, but if and when I do, it will always be
tinged with the knowledge that he is dead so there will always be sadness attached to my laughter. Even when I laugh I am crying a little. Every part of my life, my living is Michael...my son, who he was, the thoughts of who he would be. My son, laughing, being well, just to hear the sound of his voice.
If you do not know what it is like to lose a child, you should thank
God for that. I am so very tired, tired of anyone expecting anything of me.
I cannot deliver. I am doing the best that I can. I get up and get dressed and try to go on.
Amazing. I try to deal with everyday duties. I don't want to do any of
this. I want to scream, I want to yell. I want to say I don't accept this.
I did not sign up for this. I got pregnant and did everything right. I gave birth to my son. I loved him, held him, rocked him in my arms to sleep.
Read to him, took him everywhere. Talked to him, believed in him. My son committed suicide inspite of my best efforts. I visit him at the Cemetery.
It didn't matter that I read all the books, tried to listen to the experts,
cuddled him, kissed his boo boo's. He grew up this child of mine and became ill, inspite of my very best efforts. I fought with him and FOR him for many years.
I listened to everyone's advice, I listened to the experts..... .....My
dearest heart, my son killed himself and is now dead....inspite of
everyone's wisdom.. Everyone's life with their children goes on.
STOP expecting anything from me. Believe me it is not personal, it not
about YOU...it is about profound loss, profound pain every time I see a boy with his mother, every time I see a young man holding his girlfriends hand, every time there is a graduation, birthday party, I see my son, who he should have been, could have been if that illness didn't ravage him and destroy him and me too.
Yes, life does go on...its true. I am still here and I am trying more
then you can ever imagine to make it work. It is not about you, it is not about my feelings for you one way or another....it is about loss, yearning.
I see my precious son in young men's faces and young men's plans and hopes and dreams. I did not have Michael, my son for 23 years to come to this final end. Nothing is attached to your laughter, your struggles, your wishes and desired but the actuality behind it. For me, behind everything I do, every word spoken is the longing and the missing of my son. Behind every smile and every tear, every dinner, is the thought that I miss my son.
So this is me, this is who I am. I am trying not to be angry and bitter,
jealous of the women that have their son's, jealous of the son's that make their mothers proud. I am trying, I am just simply trying. Please don't make demands of me or expect anything of me, your life goes on, you can kiss you son goodnight or disapprove of what he is doing and the key word is doing, while my beautiful son lies in his grave for eternity. If you are really my friend then maybe, just maybe for one-second you will trade places with me in your mind....could you be who I am today??????
This is how I feel!! |
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My Son Lives in Paradise
The dust has settled on the things
That I have stored away
A favorite toy, for little boy
A jar of dried out clay.
A photograph when you were young
Sits quietly on the shelf
Thoughts of you come drifting back
I just can’t help myself.
A drawing that you made for me
When you were very small
Is framed within this heart of mine
And hangs upon the wall.
A scrapbook lies within the room
Where you once laid your head
Your favorite book, a model car
The pillow on your bed.
I miss you coming in from school
“Hey mom, it’s me, I’m home”
I miss the little words and hugs
The special times we’ve known.
A part of me just disappeared
The day you went away
An empty space now fills my heart
There are no words to say.
A closet filled with memories
Of happy days gone by
A baseball cap and souvenir
Why did you have to die?
The trophies that you won at school
Stand proudly on display
Your many friends can’t understand
Why God called you away.
I hear your voice within the halls
It echoes in the night
I see you in the evening mist
And in the morning light.
So many things you left behind
Are now a memory
But little arms that held me tight
Will always stay with me.
An empty space now fills my heart
My boy, my child, my son
You’ve gone into another world
Where golden dreams are spun.
I do not know the answers
It‘s not for me to know
But I will know the truth one day
Just why you had to go.
My turn will come to leave this world
I’ll gaze into your eyes
God’s perfect plan will be revealed
Up there in paradise.
Author/Written By:
Marilyn Ferguson
©2005
www.marilynspoetry.com
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If I Knew
If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.
If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more
If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.
If I knew it would be the last time,!
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say "I love you,"
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.
If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
Well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.
For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.
There will l always be another day
to say "I love you,"
And certainly there's another chance
to say our "Anything I can do?"
But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.
So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,
That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out t o be their one last wish.
So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear
Take time to say "I'm sorry," "Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay." And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today. |
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| James's Photo Album |
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| Michael sitting with his two boys! |
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